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When we talk about religious trauma, we’re not only talking about the impact of harmful beliefs or doctrines. Those play a major role in shaping someone's concept of themselves and the world around them, of course! However, more often than not, the therapeutic conversation comes back to relationships. This is because so much of life in religious communities is built around relationships. Relationships with family, other members of the religious community, authority figures within the religion--just to name a few. These relationships don't exist in isolation, either. The threads of connection within a religious group are often very intertwined and can run really deep. That’s why, when someone experiences religious trauma and chooses to leave--or somehow change their relationship to the organization--the loss of community and support can feel so profound. Sometimes changing one's orientation to a religious or spiritual group is misinterpreted as a personal afront or betrayal to other members, leading them to isolate or exclude the one making that change. In therapy it makes sense then, that the loss of these connections is often one of the central themes we return to. What's Attachment Got to do With It? While the relationships mentioned above are undoubtedly impactful, there is perhaps no relationship quite as defining as one's relationship to a higher power(s). This might feel like an obvious statement given the outsized role that higher powers play in religious beliefs; they are, after all, who we're taught to orient our lives around. However, the depth and primacy of that relationship isn't something we all tend to fully comprehend--even when we've been involved in a religious or spiritual practice our entire lives. Before we dive into this too deeply, I think it's important to do a quick overview of the concept of 'attachment.' Attachment Theory is a way of understanding how our earliest relationships shape us. First introduced by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, it’s now one of the most widely recognized frameworks in psychology. At its core, Attachment Theory says that humans are wired to seek out strong emotional bonds, especially with caregivers who are tasked with making us feel safe, comforted, and supported. Those first bonds become the blueprint for how we connect with others throughout our lives. How we trust, relate, and respond to others--whether it’s a partner, child, close friend, or even a mentor--will typically mirror the patterns we first learned as kids. Having a strong, supportive attachment figure early in life can make a huge difference. When caregivers are reliable, responsive, and emotionally available, we learn to trust others, feel secure in relationships, and navigate life’s ups and downs with confidence. On the other hand, if caregivers are inconsistent, distant, or harsh, it can leave us feeling anxious, avoidant, or unsure of how to connect. How Understanding Attachment Can Help us Heal from Religious Trauma Maybe you’re starting to see where I’m going with this. Because we were taught to seek some level of security from them, the higher powers we believe in also function as attachment figures. And, just like with other attachment figures, the nature of our relationship to a higher power(s) can have a profound impact on our attachment style. If the attachment figure we were taught to trust is harsh, critical, unpredictable, or distant, that can cause some significant harm. It can leave us feeling ashamed, guilty, fearful, and as though we're trapped in a constant loop of trying to earn comfort and security from a figure that we're consistently told doesn’t approve of us. This, in turn, can shape the way we relate to other important people in our lives. For example, we might feel a deep, insatiable desire for close connections, but simultaneously push away those who make an earnest attempt to get close to us because we believe we're unlovable or are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s why healing from religious trauma often involves exploring not just beliefs, but the emotional bond we’ve formed with the divine, and ultimately learning how to renegotiate that relationship in a way that feels safe and nurturing. In therapy, I often start by noticing and naming this particular relationship—how it mirrors earlier attachment experiences, both the supportive and the hurtful. From there, we begin to untangle your experience: identifying any comforting aspects of faith (and it’s completely valid if there aren’t any), separating them from the harmful ones, setting boundaries around beliefs that feel damaging, and practicing self-soothing and self-compassion. The goal is to help you rebuild a sense of security, nurturance, and safety within yourself, independent of any external authority or institution. Ultimately, religious trauma isn’t just about beliefs or rules; it's deeply rooted in relationships, including the one we form with a higher power(s). Understanding that bond through the lens of Attachment Theory helps us see why faith can feel so comforting for some, and so painful for others. It also provides us a pathway for healing. Overcoming religious trauma doesn't necessarily mean going back to church or adopting a new set of beliefs; it’s about finding a sense of safety within yourself. By recognizing these p atterns, we can start to reclaim emotional well-being, one secure connection at a time. If this is something you're interested in exploring for yourself, or if you have someone in your life that could benefit from this type of support, I would encourage you to read my bio and complete your intake with YEG Family Counselling today.

Welcome to our monthly blog ‘Ask an Occupational Therapist’ which attempts to answer all of your🔥 burning🔥occupational therapy-related questions.  Occupational therapy bridges the gap between therapy and real life, turning awareness into action so you can manage your energy, build healthy routines, and get back to the activities that matter most to you. For this month’s blog post, I’m responding to a question from someone struggling with the same things many of my clients do... Dear Juanita, At 44 years old, I find myself in a situation that many may not understand. Despite graduating from University with a BA, because of my struggle with major depressive disorder, I've never held a job for more than a couple years at a time, let alone worked toward a career. This has left me feeling lost and uncertain about my place in the world. For years, I've grappled with feelings of worthlessness and a lack of direction. The idea of engaging in work again feels both exciting and terrifying. I long to find meaning and purpose in my life, and I believe that returning to work could be a crucial step in that direction. However, I worry about how my mental health will hold up and whether I can handle the pressures that come with an actual career. Just the thought of stepping into a competitive environment after such a long absence is daunting--where would I even start? Sincerely, Working While Depressed The struggle to find meaning and purpose in life is something most people can probably relate to, even if they aren't struggling with the same mental health concern and/or the feeling isn't as directly tied to their paid employment. While identifying the desire to engage in work again is a significant step that reflects a need for connection and a sense of contributing to the world around you, there are definitely a lot of barriers to jumping back into the working world. For someone with major depressive disorder, blocks to working could include low energy, concentration difficulties, past trauma, or limited confidence from never having worked before (or only having done so in a limited capacity). Even for someone with an understanding of these blocks, developing strategies to overcome them can be incredibly difficult. Luckily, that's where the OT comes in! How Occupational Therapy (OT) is different from other therapeutic treatments when it comes to helping someone navigate working while depressed. As I talked about in my first ' Ask an Occupational Therapist ' post, unlike with a Psychologist or Counsellor, psychoeducation and psychotherapy are only part of the work I do with clients. A Psychologist might treat the underlying causes of depression (e.g. attachment issues, previous trauma, etc.) to promote healing and recovery. The OT however, will explore activities with the client that they struggle to engage with  because of  their low self-confidence (in this instance, working compettively). That's because, central to OT, is doing . OT looks at how you spend your time to promote wellness. T his includes your daily routines, habits, and meaningful activities, but also the influences on how you spend your time, like your mood, the environment, cognition, attention, neurodivergence, and more.  OT starts by providing you insights into what’s blocking you from spending your time in a way that makes you feel satisfied with your life. It then helps you put those insights into practice by building routines, strategies, and skills that support recovery. For someone living with depression who wants to return to work, OT doesn’t just ask why you’re struggling, it asks: how can we help you get back into the workforce in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable? What would an Occupational Therapist actually do to support someone who has never worked due to their struggle with mental illness? The first step for the OT would be understanding the client’s personal goals and values around work. In this case, the goal is clear: engaging in the occupation of work again. To help identify the client's values, the OT would begin with an informational interview to learn about their interests, strengths, challenges, and what meaningful work looks like to them. This exploration is not about “fixing” the client, but about getting to know who they are, honouring their journey, and identifying what type of work could potentially bring them purpose. The OT would also gain information (either by administering assessments or through the informational interview) about the client’s physical, cognitive, and social functioning to get a sense of what types of jobs would be best suited for the client and provide the client with the right balance in their life. With that information in tow, the OT would turn their attention to what's getting in the way as the client tries to achieve their goal in a way that makes sense to them. Ultimately, OTs are trained to uncover the blocks that keep people from reaching their goals. In this case, as I mentioned above, these blocks might include low energy, concentration difficulties, past trauma, or limited confidence. An Occupational Therapist might use assessments to explore these barriers and then apply therapeutic approaches like cognitive-behavioral strategies, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or even environmental modifications (e.g. workplace accommodations) to try and address them. In OT, the goal is not to eliminate the client's depression but to create a pathway forward despite it . If a client is looking to further manage, or potentially even lessen, the symptoms of depression, they may choose to work with other providers (like psychologists or psychiatrists) at the same time. After addressing barriers, the OT helps the client build concrete skills and strategies--in this case, to make returning to work more feasible. For example, they might explore: Energy conservation techniques so fatigue is manageable; Routine building to create consistency around sleep, meals, and daily structure; Job readiness skills like time management, communication, resume and cover letter creation, interview skills, and stress regulation; Gradual exposure to work through volunteering, part-time opportunities, or supported employment programs. Throughout this process, the OT acts as a guide and supporter, providing a roadmap and checking in regularly until the client feels confident and ready to move forward independently. Progress is measured not only by “getting a job” but also by building confidence, structure, and a sense of purpose along the way. And sometimes clients choose to pursue self-employment--or something entirely different--through occupational therapy and that’s okay too! Because OT is goal-based and individualized, the duration of this process can really vary. Typically clients have weekly or biweekly sessions (60 minutes each) over the course of 3–6 months. However, others may benefit from longer-term support (6–12 months), especially if they're working toward a complex goal such as entering the workforce for the first time. If any of the above sounds like a good fit for you or someone in your life, I would encourage you to read my bio and complete your intake with us today!

Have you ever felt like your brain works a little differently then how we imagine a brain should work? Does it often feel like spaces weren't designed with you in mind, making it infinitely more difficult to live your life? You’re not alone. Whether you’ve heard the word neurodiversity  before, or it’s brand new to you, this post invites you into a gentle, affirming conversation about what it means, why it matters, and how therapy can be more supportive for neurodivergent, or neurominoritized, folks. Let’s explore this together. What Is Neurodiversity? Neurodiversity is a term that recognizes the natural variety in how human brains function. Some people are autistic. Some are ADHD or dyslexic. Others still have sensory processing differences or other ways their brains experience the world that diverge from the 'neuronormalized' experience. Neurodiversity tells us: there’s no single “normal” or “correct” way to think, feel, or process.; all brains are valid. This perspective was developed and championed by neurodiverse advocates—especially autistic self-advocates—who pushed back against the idea that neurological differences are rare disorders to be fixed. Instead, neurodiversity asks us to honor these differences as part of the rich tapestry of human experience. It calls for acceptance, access, and equity—not assimilation. Why is Neurodiversity an Important Topic? Our schools, workplaces, and healthcare systems are often neuronormative, meaning they center practices that don’t reflect or support the way many people's brains work. Just think about how children are expected to quietly sit still in classrooms for hours at a time--a very difficult task for Tourette's or ADHD folks. Another example is the common North American practice of holding eye contact. Although common in counselling spaces--as it's believed to establish connection and build rapport--this can be uncomfortable for many autistic folks (as well as those from various cultural backgrounds that consider this practice rude or aggressive). This minoritizes people whose brains don't process information in this very specific way, and can lead them to a lifetime of feeling misunderstood, pathologized, or pressured to mask who they really are. Embracing neurodiversity isn’t just about changing the language we use, it’s about shifting our culture. It’s about listening to neurodiverse people and challenging systems that make it harder for them to thrive. When we make room for different ways of communicating, creating, connecting, and existing, we don’t just include more people—we build a better world for all of us. What Is Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy? Neurodiversity-affirming therapy centers the needs, voices, and lived experiences of neurodivergent, or neurominoritized, people. It’s not about changing who you are to fit a mold. It’s about supporting you in your fullness. This kind of care recognizes that neurodivergent people aren’t “broken”—and therapy shouldn’t treat them that way. Instead of trying to reduce or eliminate traits that differ from those that we hold up as 'normal' or 'typical' in our society, affirming therapy creates space for people to unmask, to rest, to reflect, and to be truly seen. It prioritizes access, autonomy, and dignity. Neurodiversity-friendly therapy isn't about changing who you are to fit a mold. It’s about supporting you in your fullness.  What Does Neurodivergent-Friendly Therapy Look Like? Deep Understanding and Radical Acceptance A neurodiversity-affirming therapist comes in with real understanding—not just clinical knowledge, but lived or well-informed insight into what it actually means to be neurominoritized. They don’t try to fix or cure anyone. Instead, they meet people with respect, curiosity, and care. This approach also acknowledges how deeply exhausting it is to spend a lifetime masking or being misunderstood. It affirms that your needs and ways of being are real—and that you never needed to earn your right to support or belonging in the first place. Therapy That Fits You Neurodiverse people deserve therapy that’s flexible and responsive. That might mean sitting on the floor, using written communication instead of verbal speech, adjusting the pace of sessions, or incorporating movement and stimming. It’s not about making people conform to traditional therapeutic expectations— it’s about co-creating a space that actually works for the people in it. Strengths-Based This kind of therapy doesn’t focus on deficits, disorders, or diagnoses. It focuses on people. It recognizes that being neurodiverse often comes with powerful gifts—deep focus, creativity, honesty, innovation—and it helps folks build on those strengths while also tending to areas of challenge with care. Support is framed around helping someone live the life they want to live, not forcing them to appear more “normal” or palatable. Sensory-Aware and Safe Therapists attuned to neurodiversity understand that the physical environment matters. Sensory overload can be a real barrier to accessing care. Affirming spaces are designed—or adapted—to reduce that stress. This might include quiet rooms, dimmable lights, the option for virtual sessions, and the freedom to stim or use sensory tools. These aren’t extras—they’re access. Collaboration and Advocacy Neurodiversity-affirming therapists don’t position themselves as “experts” who hold all the answers. They collaborate with their clients. They listen deeply. They affirm lived experience. And they’re often willing to advocate—with families, schools, employers, or other professionals—so that support doesn’t stop at the therapy door. This is especially vital for neurominoritized children and teens, who need adults in their corner who will fight for their autonomy and respect their boundaries. Why Does Neurodiversity-Affirming Counselling Make a Difference? Neurodivergent folks are so often told—explicitly or implicitly—that they're too much, too different, too complicated. Sometimes, paradoxically, they're also told they're not enough. Not enough social skills, not enough insight, not enough organization, not enough emotion regulation. Therapy that affirms neurodiversity offers something radically different: a space where people can show up as they are and know that they’re enough. This kind of care supports healing from ableist trauma. It helps people reconnect with their inner knowing. It builds self-trust, self-compassion, and self-advocacy. And maybe most importantly, it reminds neurominoritized people that they were never the problem. The problem continues to lie within a society that seeks to minimize their experiences and erase them completely. What About Neurodiversity in Relationships? Two neurodivergent folks walk, holding hands, into a bar... then things get interesting. When neurodiverse brains get together in ongoing intimate relationships, interactions can be complicated. On the one hand, neurodivergent folks can just get each other on a level that isn't as easy with folks who aren't neurominoritized. When you meet someone who has a similar way of thinking, speaking, socializing, or stimming, it can feel really validating and connecting. You might feel less alone and less weird (or at least less bad-weird). If you have a different flavour of neurodiversity than your partner—like, say, you're an AuDHDer and they're an OCD-ADHDer—you might both share similar experiences of feeling different in society. In many cases, people find a partner with a complimentary experience of neurodiversity that works really well with their particular blend (at least some of the time). Perhaps the organization and structure of an autistic partner works really well with the spontaneity and outgoing nature of their ADHD partner. When two folks get together and then learn that one is neurotypicaly/neuronormalized and the other is neurodivergent/neurominoritized, many of the above scenarios might also apply, as long as they can talk it through. In Neurodiversity-Affirming Couples or Family Therapy , all of the above tenets apply, they just might be a little more tricky to navigate. That's why it's really important to find a therapist who is comfortable discussing how your neurotypes affect your relationship, and vice versa. It's MUCH harder to deeply understand and radically accept both people when they have opposite opinions and when their differences are hurting one another. But, a good therapist can go there with you. A Gentle Invitation to Be Seen Whether you’re neurodivergent yourself, exploring your identity, or walking alongside someone who is, we want you to know that you’re welcome here. There’s space for your questions, your messiness, your brilliance—your whole self. At YEG Family Counselling we believe the more we affirm neurodiversity in how we care for each other, the more just and joyful this world can become. You are not too much. Your brain is not wrong. Your needs are valid. And you deserve support that honors the fullness of who you are. Always. Ready to find a Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist? YEG Family Counselling is committed to making the world a friendlier place for neurodivergent/neurominoritized folks like you. It's easy to get started, just choose one of the options below! Fill out a quick and easy online intake Book  a consult or phone intake Call us at 780-809-0809 Email hello@yegfamilycounselling.com  to ask any further questions you might have!

Welcome to our newest monthly blog ‘Ask an Occupational Therapist’ which attempts to answer all of your🔥 burning🔥occupational therapy-related questions.  In our first blog post, we wanted to start with some introductions! Let's start with me: my name is Juanita Gnanapragasam and I’ve been an Occupational Therapist (OT) for just over three years. If someone typed my name into a search engine, it was probably because they were looking for something like… “ Creative therapy ideas for adults with mental health challenges ;”  “ OT who gets neurodivergence and real life ;”  “ help making sense of my values, goals, and messy feelings ;” “ group therapy that’s actually useful and not awkward ;” or “ what to do with my life or time? ” I work with individuals (8 years old and above) and especially love helping first and second-generation Canadians, young adults, and neurodivergent folks. I also use Accelerated Resolution Therapy (a trauma therapy that started under the auspices of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR) to help clients overcome specific sensory and trauma-related events that are getting in the way of their overall wellbeing and engagement in the community. In my practice I blend deep emotional insight with flexible, tangible strategies to help clients spend time on things that matter. Basically, I’m an OT that LOVES helping people figure out how to occupy themselves well. What does it mean when I say I'm a Mental Health Occupational Therapist? Depending on your lived experience, you might have worked with an occupational therapist before. Based on the setting or clinic, an OT works in (especially in physical medicine), their practice can look very different. Some OTs support the utilization of mobility aids, and others provide healthcare interventions like splinting and wound care. Situated in mental health therapy practice, as I am, means that I'm focused on a client's psychological and emotional needs first and foremost, with their physical wellness taking more of a backseat. Regardless of the setting, all OT's share the common thread of getting individuals back to doing the things they love.  While " what occupies you ?" is a question that most of us don't think about all that much, that's what OT is all about! What gives a person meaning? What sensory experiences affect their day-to-day life? What gets in the way of them doing the things they care about the most?  These questions are important to mental health Occupational Therapists in particular because they offer therapeutic services that enhance how a person “occupies” or spends their time in order to promote health and wellbeing on a more holistic level. As a mental health OT, I want to know: " what does a healthy, happy, thriving life look like for my client ?" Especially important in my role is understanding what the client would be doing in that ideal life. That means delving into activities that give the client meaning and purpose--like social relationships, leisure pursuits, employment, schooling, self-care--and bringing them closer to their vision of psychological and emotional wellbeing. During sessions I don’t just listen for content, I listen for patterns, emotional subtext, and unmet needs to understand what’s getting in the way of living the life the client wants to live. Then we work together to treat the barriers and learn new skills to accomplish the goals the client sets out for themselves. I like to think I bring a designer’s mindset to therapy. I’m constantly creating, adapting, and testing new tools to meet people where they’re at. Recently I completely nerded out over building a vegetable-themed version of the game 'Werewolf' to help teach neurodivergent folks social skills. I spent an evening rewriting the rules so no one "died," the missing vegetables became part of a soup, and every card had a role tied to the kitchen ecosystem. What does a Mental Health Occupational Therapist actually do ? At YEG Family Counselling, Occupational Therapy is practiced as a goal-based therapy. Some clients will work on multiple goals at the same time, and some like to focus on a single goal. We've broken the process down into steps, the duration of each varying for every individual. The process is also highly collaborative, with the therapist working closely with the client to honour their journey, and ensuring a personalized approach. Step 1:  The first step is to understand what the client's goals for “occupying” their time are. Things like trauma and changes in one's environment or life circumstances--like medical or psychological diagnoses--can throw a curve ball at a client's ability to to do the things that matter to them. So, in our first session I do an informational interview that helps me to get to know the client, their journey, and their goals, all while the client also gets to know me. Step 2:  Next, the client and I work together to identify the block to accomplishing their goals. We do this through psychological assessments and therapeutic approaches. Common blocks include previous traumas, experiences of neurodivergence, or even the environment the client currently finds themselves in. Step 3: Once the block has been identified, we treat it with therapeutic modalities like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), environmental modifications, and/or psychoeducation. Step 4: Lastly, I work with the client to teach them skills and give them a road map to accomplishing their occupational goal. This might look like working together to write a resume and providing the client with psychological support as they navigate the job application process. Or it might involve supportively facilitating a client's participation in social situations by attending a Dungeons and Dragons night with other neurodivergent folks. I would then check in with he client throughout the process until they feel comfortable continuing on their own. Why might someone choose to see an OT over a Psychologist or Counsellor? As you notice above, unlike with a Psychologist or Counsellor, psychoeducation and psychotherapy are only part of the work I do with clients. That's because, central to OT, is doing . So whether a client's goal is career exploration, finding balance, fostering relationships, household management, or something else, they can expect homework and some of their therapy sessions to engage in evidence-based activities that help solidify the skills and strategies we're working on. Here's an example that demonstrates this further. Let's say a client's therapy goal is to be more confident and cultivate self-esteem. A Psychologist might treat the underlying causes of low self-esteem (e.g. attachment issues, previous trauma, etc.) to promote healing and recovery. The OT however, will explore activities with the client that they struggle to engage with  because of  their low self-confidence (e.g. socializing with new people). Then, the OT would teach strategies to improve self-confidence (e.g. practicing positive self-talk) or modify the activity to promote self-confidence and self-esteem (e.g. supportively attending a social event with the client). Other types of OT approaches might include role-playing, learning a new skill, changing the activity, or modifying the environment to encourage success. Through this process, we might address the underlying causes of low self-esteem and self-confidence, or discover that more work with a psychologist to treat those causes would be helpful. Because of this difference in scope, folks looking for help in these areas often choose to work with an OT instead of (or alongside) a psychologist: Deciding whether to pursue further post-secondary education and if so in what field; Career advising; Advocating for academic supports in school; Developing emotional regulation skills; Understanding how one's brain processes sensory experiences and how that impacts mood and energy; Support in managing household tasks. Of course, the above is not an exhaustive list. Lots of individuals seek occupational therapy for a range of concerns that would benefit from some practical, tangible, direct interventions. Additionally, OT's are often able to conduct assessments that can help individuals understand their struggles and, sometimes, support them in advocating for the necessary workplace or educational accommodations they require to succeed. The assessments I provide include: Frustration tolerance and how people learn best (e.g. ACLS); Recovery and hope (e.g. CPROM, QPR, PHQ-9); Initial screening for cognitive challenges (e.g. MOCA, SLUMS); Sensory Processing Assessments (e.g. Adult Sensory Profile); and Goal-oriented assessments (e.g. GAS, COPM) As with the previous list,  we’ve just listed the most common ones and this should not be considered exhaustive. If a client is ever interested in having another type of assessment done, they can always connect with YEG Family Counselling administrative staff to see if I'm able to provide it. As with any assessment, I would discuss the nature of what the client would like to have assessed and how it’ll support their therapeutic goals. Once the assessment has been conducted, I will complete a write-up that the client can share with their other healthcare providers to inform future treatment plans or advocate for necessary supports. If any of the above sounds like a good fit for you or your kiddo, I would encourage you to read my bio and complete your intake with us today!

Teenagers are people too. It may sound somewhat trivial or simplistic, but that's my grounding philosophy when working with adolescents, including those who are neurodivergent. It's crucial to remember that teenagers--despite their often tumultuous behavior and unpredictable moods--are navigating a complex stage of development that's both exciting and challenging. We sometimes lose sight of their humanity, as it's all too easy to perceive teenagers as intimidating or rebellious figures. Afterall, who among us hasn’t found teenagers somewhat scary at times? Teens are in a unique phase of life characterized by a surge of hormones, which can lead to intense emotions and reactions. During these formative years, they're learning to assert their independence, a process that often involves testing boundaries and questioning authority. This exploration of autonomy is essential for their growth, yet it can be a turbulent journey for both the teens themselves and the adults around them. And that's just what's going on internally. Externally, teens are also managing their own personal lives, academic workloads, and social pressures. All of this while their brains are still developing, particularly the frontal lobe which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation. I bet we can all remember what it was like to feel ready to tackle important problems on our own while not being in control of our scheduling or finances. Many of us can probably also remember the frustration of wanting to be treated as capable individuals while simultaneously feeling the weight of adult expectations and a lack of trust from the adults in our lives. This complex interplay of emotions and experiences can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between teenagers and the adults who seek to guide them. Recent circumstances have also dramatically changed how teenagers in 2025 interact with the world. They're the first generation to grow up entirely immersed in the internet, smartphones, and social media. This unprecedented access to technology has fundamentally altered their social dynamics and communication skills. Moreover, they're also the first demographic in generations to hit adolescence during and after a global pandemic, a factor that has significantly shaped their development in some complex ways. Consider that someone who's 15 years old right now was sent home for online learning at the tender age of 10--a critical period for social and emotional growth. This means they hit many formative milestones surrounded primarily by their families rather than their peers. As a result, we're witnessing a notable increase in online connections and interactions, while face-to-face engagements have diminished to levels not seen in previous generations. This shift has introduced a new layer of complexity to teenage life, as there is now more pressure to present oneself in specific ways online. The ubiquitous nature of social media means that teenagers are constantly aware of the potential for judgment, not only from their friends but also from a broader audience of strangers. This constant scrutiny can create a heightened sense of anxiety and self-consciousness. Imagine what it would be like to feel as though everyone is watching you—a common teenage experience—and then receive tangible feedback in the form of likes, comments, and shares that confirms that, indeed, many are paying attention. This feedback loop can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and the desire for validation, making the teenage years even more challenging. Another piece of this complicated puzzle is the increasing awareness and diagnosis of neurodivergence, particularly Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism. This growing recognition has opened up important conversations about mental health and the diverse ways in which individuals experience the world. For many teenagers who are neurodivergent, navigating the social landscape can be particularly daunting, as they may face unique challenges in communication, social interaction, and emotional regulation. The intersection of these experiences with the pressures of modern technology and social media can create a perfect storm of difficulties that require careful consideration and support. It's essential to approach teenagers with empathy and understanding, recognizing that they're not just navigating their own internal struggles but are also trying to find their place in a world that often seems overwhelming. This acknowledgment is crucial in fostering a supportive environment where teenagers can express their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. By validating their challenges and providing a safe space for open dialogue, we can help them develop resilience and coping strategies that will serve them well into adulthood. As someone who's passionate about understanding each person’s unique perspective on the world, I work with individuals to unpack how their experiences shape their current reality. My approach is to meet all of my clients where they're at, recognizing that each journey is distinct and deserving of respect. I aim to create a therapeutic environment that balances collaboration with a directive and solution-focused methodology when necessary. I would describe my style as relaxed and approachable, and I often incorporate humor, art, and hands-on strategies into my sessions. This multifaceted approach not only helps to build rapport but also encourages creativity and self-expression. If this sounds like a possible fit for you or your teen, I may be a good match for your needs, and I would welcome the opportunity to work together to navigate these complex challenges.

Most people who are looking for a therapist are looking for someone who will listen with a non-judgmental ear and will work with them collaboratively on whatever struggle has brought them to therapy in the first place. While most therapists strive to be accepting and non-judgmental, sadly the therapy room is not immune to bias and stigma. This includes stigma towards those who practice consensual non-monogamy (CNM). A quick note on language: for the purposes of this article I’ll be using consensual non-monogamy (CNM) as an umbrella term for all forms of non-monogamous relationships. Understanding ‘Mononormative Bias’ One of the less-discussed biases therapists can be impacted by is mononormativity. This is the idea that monogamous relationships are the “natural” form of partnership, or the “right” or “better” way for people to engage in romantic/sexual relationships. This might show up in direct statements or implications that non-monogamous relationships are trivial, transitory, or an outright relational transgression.  If you’re reading this blog post, maybe you’ve already had a poor experience with a therapist’s approach to conversations around CNM. Or maybe you’re wanting to avoid having that experience in the first place. Let’s take a look at how you can narrow your search, whether for an individual or relationship therapist. Gather your first impression This may sound obvious, but what do you notice on the therapist’s website, social media, or printed materials? Do they show up on directories like Psychology Today when you add the non-monogamy filter? When they talk about couple’s counselling do they even mention the existence of non-monogamous relationship structures? Maybe they even use the term relationship counselling instead of couple’s counselling. Does their bio seem generally inclusive and reflect experience working with groups/individuals who are marginalized or  impacted by stigma? All of these are cues as to whether they think about–or have awareness of–non-monogamous relationships. This doesn’t mean that every therapist without non-monogamy on their website is biased against CNM, but it still provides information for you as you narrow your search.  Book a free initial consultation So you’ve looked through whatever materials the therapist has available and their language seems open and inviting– now what ? A few hundred dollars session is no joke, after all!  Most therapists will offer some sort of free Intake or Inquiry call–take advantage of that. You have every right to interview your potential therapist and ask whatever questions you need to make sure they’re a good fit. Regardless of the issue, feeling comfortable with, and supported by, your therapist are the most important ingredients in the therapeutic recipe. Some questions you can ask to explore their experience working with non-monogamous clients: What’s your experience working with people who practice CNM?  Straightforward, I know! You can tailor this to whatever terminology you use to describe your personal relationship practices (e.g., polyamory, relationship anarchy, open relationship, etc.). Even if they explain that they have limited experience in that realm (honesty is always a great sign!) their response can still tell you a lot about their perspective on CNM relationships.  How do you understand CNM as a relationship structure, particularly when compared to monogamy? I know this question may feel a little on the nose, but it can still be important to ask. You will hopefully get a response that acknowledges the challenges different relationship practices can face, but ultimately doesn’t privilege one over the other as the “right” way. What are some of the most common challenges experienced by non-monogamous folks? If they can name common challenges CNM folks face (e.g. stigma, struggles coming out to family/friends, jealousy, time management, navigating relationships with metamours, etc.), even if they’re not the specific issues you’re dealing with, it’s a cue they’ve worked to develop an awareness of CNM and its nuances. If you’ve had a poor experience with previous therapists you may even want to discuss those situations in this call, asking the new potential therapist how they would approach or respond to your concerns. Continue assessing your first few sessions You’ve looked at the new therapist’s materials, had an initial conversation, and no alarm bells went off! So you decide to book a full session with them. There are still plenty of things to look out for as you continue on your therapeutic journey: Following your lead : A collaborative therapist will look to you for guidance on the issues and struggles to focus on in your sessions. When it comes to CNM in particular, it can be a red flag if your therapist relates everything back to this aspect of your identity, especially if you’ve signalled that you aren’t interested in focusing specifically on CNM in counselling. Framing the practice of, or belief in, CNM as a problem can be a sign they are holding some bias and might not be the best fit. Supporting your relationship structure:  Your therapist should support you in strengthening your relationship structure rather than tearing it down. This doesn’t mean all inquiries about the nature of your relationships and if/how they are serving you are off the table. Rather, whenever you do discuss your relationship(s), they demonstrate neutrality, understanding, and/or curiosity instead of framing CNM as immature, temporary, or inevitably doomed. Approaching the topic with curiosity and compassion: Even clinicians who are well-versed in ENM can fall into the trap of making assumptions about, or passing judgment on, certain relationship dynamics or structures. Regardless of their professional understanding of, or personal experience with, ENM, a good therapist will work to understand what CNM means to you and why it’s important. This is because they recognize how people understand and practice ENM varies from person to person, and relationship to relationship.  Reflect on your experiences with your therapist and provide feedback Remember, therapists are people too, which means they are flawed, can make mistakes, or may show you different sides of their practice as your therapeutic relationship deepens. If you find the therapist you’ve chosen isn’t consistently providing you with the type of support I outlined above, or if the reality of therapy with them is different from how they presented themselves before, I encourage you to name that with them directly. This gives them the chance to explain their approach, clear up any misunderstandings, or pivot. A willingness to receive feedback and adjust accordingly is, after all, a sign of a great therapist! Ultimately, if they shut down, react defensively, or don’t feel like a safe person to bring your concerns to at all, you can always end the therapeutic relationship without explanation. When it comes to finding a poly-friendly therapist, it’s more often about trying to gauge how much the clinician has reflected on the topic of CNM than it is about determining their professional competency or years of experience more generally. Even therapists who have limited experience working with CNM–or are new to the field of psychology–can be potentially great therapists for you simply because they approach conversations around CNM openly, non-judgmentally, and stay focused on what your concerns or struggles are.  Check out the poly-friendly therapists YEG Family Counselling has to offer This is exactly the kind of support you’ll find at YEG Family Counselling. Because we believe that  ‘family’ simply refers to the people who matter most in your life, we strive to provide accessible and anti-oppressive therapy that is open to all . This includes folks who practice CNM, their partners, children, metamours, chosen family, and co-conspirators alike.

How Play Unlocks Healing, Growth, and Understanding in Children Have you ever asked a child what's bothering them, only to be met with a shrug or a simple, " I don’t know ?" It can be so frustrating, right? You want to help, but they just seem to shut down or walk away. As a parent or caregiver, it’s totally normal to feel a bit stuck in those moments. When kids are upset, anxious, or acting out, they often struggle to find the right words to express what they’re feeling. Unlike adults, who can talk through their emotions, children tend to process their feelings differently—they play them out! Think about it: whether they’re building towering structures with blocks, drawing wild and imaginative creatures, or diving into make-believe adventures, play is their way of making sense of the world around them. For kids dealing with emotional, behavioral, or psychological challenges, play isn't just a fun pastime; it’s actually a vital pathway to healing. What Is Play Therapy? Play therapy is a structured, theory-based, therapeutic approach that complements children's developmental communication and learning processes. In play therapy, the use of toys, storytelling, art, and games helps kids express feelings, process experiences, and grow their emotional skills without having to rely on talking alone. It isn't just 'playtime'—it's intentional time to tend to their well-being and help them generate resiliency. This is important because young children don't have the emotional vocabulary or self-awareness that adults do. Ever wonder why your child complains of stomach aches when it’s time to go to school, or get ready for soccer practice? Have you encountered them lashing out at their siblings when they're told they can't have something? How about clinging to you—or experiencing a form of regression like bedwetting—after a major transition in their life? These are just a few examples of various ways kids communicate “ I feel anxious/upset/out of control ” because they don’t have the words or understanding to say that to you directly. Ultimately, when the words just aren't there, we need to use the language of play .  What Happens in a Session? A typical play therapy session runs for about 50 minutes. During this time, the therapist sets up a safe and inviting space filled with a variety of toys and materials like puppets, miniature figures, art supplies, a sand tray, costumes, and even a dollhouse. You might be wondering, “ So they just play for an hour? ” It might look like simple play, but there’s so much more happening behind the scenes! The therapist is actively observing, joining in, or guiding the play to foster healing, insight, and growth. They pay close attention to the child’s play themes, emotional states, and the symbolic communication that unfolds during the session. For example, a child might engage in what we call "instability play." You know, when they make their toys fall over, tip things 'accidentally,' or pretend they’re about to tumble off something? This kind of play might seem silly at first, but it’s actually quite meaningful. It can be a way for them to express feelings about control and safety, as they take charge of their little world in an imaginative way. Then there’s the child who enjoys building fences, a jail, or a big block house. This isn’t just about stacking blocks; it’s their way of expressing a desire for containment. They might be trying to keep something inside or outside of their space, which reflects their need for safety, security, and protection. It's in these ways that play therapy offers a gentle space for reflection and exploration. Instead of asking a child overwhelming questions and drawing inferences from their answers, the therapist helps the child gain insight into their feelings and find emotional release through play. Over time, this can lead to some notable changes in the child—like improved emotional regulation, better problem-solving skills, and healthier relationships with others. How It Helps Play therapy is a fantastic way for children to express emotions that they might not fully understand yet. It helps them feel in-control and safe, while also developing crucial skills like empathy and social interaction. Through this process, kids can learn to regulate their emotions and improve their behavior without the need for shame or punishment. This approach is especially helpful for children facing challenges such as anxiety, grief or loss, significant life changes like divorce, behavioral issues, trauma, and difficulties in social situations. You might be wondering, “ Where do we fit in as parents and caregivers? ” The good news is that you’re an essential part of this journey! Therapists often meet with you to discuss your child's progress, share strategies you can use at home, explore any family stressors or patterns, and work together to build a stronger support system. Remember, you are a vital part of the healing process! Play therapy serves as a wonderful bridge between confusion and connection for kids. It’s a therapeutic approach that really meets children where they are, offering them a safe space to express themselves. Here, they can be seen, soothed, and supported while also being encouraged to embrace their imagination, emotions, and even a little messiness. If you’ve noticed your child feeling overwhelmed, withdrawn, or acting in ways that leave you puzzled, play therapy could be just what they need. It’s all about unlocking their potential in a fun and engaging way! If play therapy seems like a good fit for your child, YEG Family Counselling offers this for kids as young 3 years old. You can read more about me and my personal practice in my bio and start our intake process here .

I can’t remember when I first heard the term “religious trauma”. That feels strange to say (or write!) out loud, given that ever since the term came into my awareness it has been one of the central focal points of my life. This is true both in my professional therapeutic practice, as well as my personal life as I make sense of the world, my own experiences, and the experiences of those I love. Even though I can’t remember the specific moment where I learned the term, what I do remember is the feeling that came with having a new label to ascribe to the experiences I was hearing about and exploring in my own life. It was like a light switched on – suddenly the patterns, pain, and stories I was hearing had a name and a deeper context. Someone’s religious background and faith experiences went from being just a bullet point in their story, to being the focal point in a constellation of many interconnected stars. The concept of religious trauma has gained a lot of traction over the last handful of years--something I’m very thankful for! Previously, the research had focused on the ways religion and faith/spirituality can support folks in healing from trauma. It 's only in recent years, however, that there's been a more formal recognition of the ways that religious communities can be a source  of trauma and hurt (Stone, 2013). You might also hear religious trauma referred to by other names, such as spiritual abuse, or church hurt, just to name a few. While there is no one right way to define it, I have come to understand the concept as such: religious trauma refers to the response we have to the psychological harms that stem from teachings, doctrines, or environments of a religious nature that instill fear, shame, guilt, or confusion. Often, it emerges when religious beliefs or leaders convey the message (directly or indirectly) that a person is unworthy, inherently flawed, or at risk of rejection and punishment, whether in this life or in the afterlife. Over time, these messages can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, safety, and belonging, and they overwhelm our ability to cope (Anderson, 2023; Stone, 2013; Winell, 1993). What's most insidious for those in religious and spiritual communities is the values that are attributed to different emotions and behaviours. Feelings of joy, contentment, and a service-oriented attitude are labelled as “positive” and are often upheld as ideals to strive for. While it's, of course, great to connect with feelings of joy and contentment, and to support others, it's unrealistic to assume that we are always going to live in that place. We're human! We're naturally going to experience the full range of human emotion – including anger, sadness, confusion, and more – and our capacity for supporting others will naturally ebb and flow. In many faith communities, however, this reality can be purposefully ignored. Emotions or behaviors labeled as “negative” may be discouraged, even though they're entirely normal and valid. As a result, we can begin to feel guilt or shame for simply experiencing these emotions, or for focusing on our own needs for a bit, rather than the needs of others (Stone, 2013; Winell, 2011). Over time, this can lead to emotional disconnection, a diminished trust in our own feelings, and the denial of personal needs—all in an effort to remain accepted and safe within the faith community.  Identity plays a really important part in this, too. In many faith communities, there are often unspoken (or loudly spoken) rules about which identities are considered acceptable—and which aren’t. This can include things like our sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, cultural background, family structure, neurodiversity, personality, and more (Winell, 2011; Stone, 2013; Hollier et al., 2022 ). When who we are does not align with what is deemed “acceptable”, we are left with very few options for safety. When I talk about this with clients, I often use the image of a volume dial on a radio. We learn early on which parts of ourselves are welcomed and which ones aren’t, so we start turning the volume way up on the parts that are seen as okay— maybe your more altruistic parts – and we turn the volume down, sometimes all the way off, on the parts that aren’t. Over time, we can lose touch with parts of ourselves that are beautiful, important, and sacred. When that happens, we can start to feel unworthy, confused, and disconnected from who we truly are. This inauthenticity can take a deep toll on us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  We know religious trauma can impact us all in a lot of different ways, and that many of us are navigating these waters. What I’ve shared here is just a glimpse into some of the ways it shows up, of course. If any of this resonates with you, please know that you’re not alone. At YEG Family Counselling, you’ll always find a safe and supportive place to land. If you're ready to explore these kinds of experiences, here are a few things we want you to hold onto: Who you are is beautiful, valid, and real; You get to experience the full range of human emotion here; You get to decide what, if any, connection to faith and spirituality you want to have moving forward.  I hope that sharing how I think about religious trauma in my practice helps you begin to shape your own understanding of it. I also hope it brings a sense of comfort to those of you who recognize yourselves in the experiences and ideas I’ve described. What you’ve been through is real, and if you're ready to start unpacking those experiences, you are always welcome here. Resources for further learning:  Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell  When Religion Hurts You by Dr. Laura Anderson  https://www.religioustraumainstitute.com/ References Hollier, J., Clifton, S., & Smith-Merry, J.  (2022). Mechanisms of religious trauma amongst queer people in Australia’s evangelical churches. Clinical Social Work Journal, 50 (3), 275–285. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-021-00817-2 Stone, A. M.  (2013). Thou shalt not: Treating religious trauma and spiritual harm with combined therapy. Group, 37 (4), 323–337. https://doi.org/10.13186/group.37.4.0323 Winell, M.  (1993). Leaving the fold: A guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion . Apocryphile Press. Winell, M.  (2011). Religious trauma syndrome (Series of 3 articles). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Today, 39 (2), May 2011; 39 (3), September 2011; 39 (4), November 2011. British Association of Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies. Reprinted at Journey Free website:   https://www.journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/

So, you and your partner have decided to see a couples therapist. Kudos to you both for taking that step! But before you book that first session, it’s a good idea to ask some questions to make sure the therapist is a good fit for you. Think of it as an interview —after all, this person is going to help you navigate some pretty difficult and personal stuff. Let's dive into some key questions to ask your potential couples therapist. 1. What’s Your Experience with Couples Therapy? Start with the basics. You want to know if they have the chops to handle your relationship issues. Ask about their background, training, and how long they've been doing this. It’s like asking a chef if they know how to cook—it just makes sense! 2. What’s Your Approach or Therapy Style with Couples? Therapists have different styles. Some are more direct and will give you homework, while others might take a more laid-back, listening approach. Do they use specific methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method? Knowing this can help you decide if their style matches what you're looking for. 3. Have You Done Counselling with Couples Like Us Before? This isn't just about having experience but relevant experience. If you’re dealing with specific issues like infidelity, neurodiversity, or blending families, you’ll want to know if they've handled similar situations. It's like finding a specialist rather than just a general practitioner. 4. What Can We Expect from the Process of Couples Counselling? This one’s a biggie. Ask about the general structure of the sessions and what the process looks like. Will there be individual sessions, or is it always together? How long do sessions last? What’s the expected duration of the therapy? This helps set expectations so you’re not left wondering what’s next. 5. How Do You Handle Conflicts in Couples Therapy Sessions? Let’s be real—things can get heated in therapy. It’s important to know how the therapist deals with conflict between partners. Do they intervene? Do they let you work it out? A good therapist should have strategies to keep things productive. 6. What Are Your Fees for Counselling and Do You Take Insurance? Money talk isn’t always comfortable, but it's necessary. Ask about the cost per session, any sliding scale fees, and if they accept insurance. This helps avoid any awkward surprises down the road. 7. What’s Your Scheduling Availability for Couples? You and your partner probably have busy lives, so find out if the therapist’s schedule aligns with yours. Can they offer evening or weekend sessions? How flexible are they if you need to reschedule? 8. How Do You Handle Situations Where One Partner is Reluctant to Engage in Therapy? Sometimes one partner might be more eager to attend therapy than the other. It’s helpful to know how the therapist deals with situations where one person is reluctant or resistant. Do they have strategies to engage both partners and ensure that everyone feels heard and involved? This can be crucial for making the therapy process effective and balanced. 9. What Are Your Views on [Insert Important Topic Here]? If there’s a specific issue you’re dealing with—like parenting styles, cultural differences, religious beliefs, or even political views—it might be good to know where the therapist stands. You want to make sure they're open-minded and can handle the dynamics of your relationship. 10. How Will We Know If Therapy Is Working? Finally, it’s good to know what success looks like and how long it might take to get there. Ask how they measure progress and what signs to look out for that indicate the therapy is helping. Also ask about the time frame they might expect is needed based on your level of distress and how often they recommend that you attend couples therapy sessions. his will give you a sense of what the journey will be like, helps keep you motivated, and ensures you're on the right track. Find the help that your relationship needs! Remember, the goal is to find someone you both feel comfortable with and who can help you navigate the rocky parts of your relationship. Don’t be afraid to shop around and ask these questions— one size doesn't fit all. YEG Family Counselling: Edmonton's Couple Counselling Experts We are nerdy about attachment and helping our clients find a deeper, safer, long-lasting connection. Like, old people holding hands on a bench kind of attachment. All of our Couples Therapists are trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which is one of two gold-standard therapies for couples. We have therapists who specialize in: Queer Couples Neurodivergent Couples Infidelity Consensual Non-monogamy, Open Relationships, and Polyamory Parenting Struggles and Blended Families Long-Distance Relationships and Online Couples Therapy Your relationship is too important. Reach out today! It's easy to get started. Choose one of the options below! Fill out a quick and easy online intake Book a consult or phone intake Call us at 780-809-0809 Email hello@yegfamilycounselling.com to ask any further questions you have, including the ones above! #EdmontonCouplesCounselling #YEGfamilycounselling #EdmontonCouplesTherapy #Couplegoals #Queercouplestherapy #NeurodivergentCouples #CouplesTherapy #CouplesCounselling

Conversations challenging many of the traditional masculine values in North American society have increased and deepened over the last decade. Lots of men have been uncertain about how to feel or respond to these critiques. They hear countless messages about how those traditional values are harmful, toxic, or sexist, but almost as many messages about how men who stray from those values are weak, unattractive failures.  With so many differing opinions and passionate perspectives, it can be confusing to know how to act in today’s world. So let’s talk about how men, or those supporting men in their lives, can navigate these different pressures around masculinity. Evaluate what you’ve been taught about manhood and masculinity. Ask yourself: what does it mean to be a man? Consider the messages you’ve absorbed about masculinity and the ways you’ve seen it modelled for you.   How have people–family, friends, partners– responded when you’ve tried to go against their idea of masculinity? This is important because, although it might feel like our understanding of something like masculinity is innate, it’s actually shaped by a lot of different forces–like our families, the media, and larger social structures–that are influencing us all the time. Before we even think about challenging or shifting our own understanding of what it means to be a man, we need to build an awareness that this understanding is constructed. From there, you can begin to reflect on what weight, or value, you want to give those sources of influence. Think critically about what people are actually saying when they talk about masculinity. Even though there’s a lot of conversation about men and masculinity, much of the language people use to talk about it is vague or coded. So when you hear someone talk about how masculinity is ‘toxic’–or about how we don’t have any ‘real men’ around anymore–you might want to consider what exactly they mean by that. What are the values, behaviours, and societal patterns they are explicitly referring to when they make those comments? It’s hard to know what you want to examine for yourself if it’s not even clear what people are talking about. In general, it can be helpful to explore these ideas with people who have a more nuanced understanding, as well as empathy for other people’s perspectives. If someone is framing things in ‘all or nothing’ terms or using ‘us vs. them’ logic, that can make it more difficult to get a holistic picture of the potentially valid criticisms they have of contemporary masculinity. Figure out what matters to you and why. Regardless of other people’s opinions, you get to decide the values you want to live by. For example, maybe you value strength, intelligence, and hard work. On their face, those are noble values that contribute positively to our communities and society more generally. But what’s important is to ask yourself why those values are important to you. If we take away the external noise telling us how men are “supposed” to be, how would you choose to live your life? Does asking yourself why you hold certain values open up space to explore other values instead? Feeling confident about the values that matter most to you creates a solid foundation for the choices and actions you want to take in life. This can help prevent the feeling that you’re being pushed and pulled by other people’s expectations and opinions. It also allows you to decide what values you want to look for in other people, and the community you want to surround yourself with more generally. Consider the impact your values–and their corresponding actions–have on those around you. Ensuring your actions are congruent with your values is important, but even when everything is in alignment, we still have to be aware of the impact our choices have on others. An easy--albeit extreme--example would be around relationship scripts. A traditional masculine value in prior decades has been that men have the right to sex by virtue of being men and the providers in the home. In fact, prior to 1983, Canada’s sexual assault laws reflected this belief as they didn’t actually cover assault between a married man and woman. This meant it was legal for a man to sexually assault his wife. Of course, we all know that sexual assault is wrong, and consent education has done it's part to help us all understand that no one is ever entitled to sexual activity from another person, regardless of the circumstances. However, this is an example of how, just because a value might feel right to an individual (or society), the actions associated with that value can still detrimentally impact the safety and bodily autonomy of someone else. Again, this doesn’t mean one has to scrap everything associated with that value. Ultimately, if a man prefers to have more traditional gender roles in his relationships (e.g. the husband works and the wife looks after the kids and takes care of the home) that is perfectly fair. In that case, it’s just important to be clear about those values in order to find the partner/people who hold complementary views, rather than trying to impose those values on people who disagree with them, or aren’t interested in structuring their life that way. How can therapy help you navigate the pressures of masculinity? This blog post is short and simple, but that doesn’t mean that anything I’ve talked about in the post is actually short or simple to do or figure out. Some people might feel confident in their ability to navigate the pressures of masculinity on their own, or with their own support system. However, for those who don’t, a therapist can help sort through the conflicting messages and resulting confusion that many men and boys are grappling with. Therapy provides a safe place to ask questions and practice being vulnerable–something many of us haven’t had access to before. It can also help us gain the skills needed to build relationships with people outside of our families and immediate social circles to help combat feelings of loneliness or isolation which are unfortunately common among men in our society.

Dear People of Colour, I have been biding my time for the last month or so, watching, listening, thinking, learning. I have been challenged. And I have come to the conclusion that I need to come to you humbly with an apology. I have been satisfied with my quiet anti-racism for much too long. For too long I have sought to do no harm rather than acting as a true advocate. I am a white, cisgender female from the upper-middle class. When we are talking about white privilege, I fit the bill pretty perfectly, but I have always fancied myself an ally for those on the margins. I have more often spoken out in support of LGBTQ+ folks, but for reasons I am just beginning to recognize, I have been more reticent to speak out publicly or loudly against racism. I have spent the last month or so reflecting on this, and the following are my humble, honest, heartfelt confessions. I didn't want to make waves. The topic of race is a lighting rod for defensiveness from white folks. No one wants to admit that there is systemic racism because, hello, we are all a part of those systems. Friends, I have often failed to advocate for you because I didn't want to piss people off, or start up facebook fights with my husband's dad's sister's cousin-in-law, or even worse, an acquaintance or friend right in front of me. I have too often chosen to protect my own discomfort and the discomfort of those around me over the human rights of people on the margins. I am so ashamed. I was afraid to say the wrong thing. I have hidden behind the excuse that I want people of colour to speak up for themselves. I know that I cannot speak for BIPOC, but I have stayed silent using this excuse because I have been afraid of being called out, corrected, or shamed. I have made this about me. I am so ashamed. I have overlooked systemic racism when I have witnessed it. This one hurts. I have worked in many different organizations, and in every single one I have witnessed systems that sneakily or overtly favour white folks over black and indigenous ones. I have seen this, and I have spoke out to my friends of colour, telling them this is not ok, that I see it, that they need to speak up. This wasn't enough. I haven't done anything meaningful to make change in these organizations. I am so ashamed. I have felt flooded. More specifically, I have the privilege of letting myself shut down when I get flooded. I let my overwhelm keep me quiet and comfortable, turning off the news and licking my own wounds. I am so ashamed. People of Colour, I can't even begin to imagine the anguish and rage inside of you as you watch current events unfold. I am beginning to realize the ways my silence has contributed to the perpetuation of violence against people of colour. I am so sorry for the ways I have been complicit in furthering the suffering of your community. I will tell you that I will commit to learning from people of colour about what I can do. I will commit to reaching out to the people of colour in my circles to see how they are and how I can help. I will commit to reading and listening to the voices who are leading the way to justice. I will commit to speaking out in large and small forums when I see injustice even when it may cost me. And finally, I will commit to continually checking in with myself and my privilege to make further confessions, because I know I won't get this all right. People of colour, please forgive me. Disclaimer: I am sure that I haven't covered it all or gotten everything right. This is my attempt at beginning. I am very open to respectful comments and discussion on anything I have written.

Raise your hand if any of these sound like the reality of your life right now: You are at home in isolation. You are bombarded all day every day with the needs of the small (and larger) people around you. You are overwhelmed. You get to the end of your rope a LOT more quickly than usual. You need a break. What? You raised your hand on all of those? How about these ones: You LOVE screen time because it is the only time your kids give you a break. You feel super guilty about loving screen time. You have read some scary Facebook articles and worry that you are rotting you child's brain. Yes. As a mom myself, I hear you, and I can assure you that you are not alone. Screen time is one of the most controversial, guilt-inducing parenting topics of our time. If you google "screen time research", Google immediately lights up with all sorts of articles on the limits you should be setting for your kids, what you should and shouldn't be letting them do or see, and how long you should or shouldn't be letting them do that thing. I'm not a Neuropsychology researcher with an MRI machine in my basement, so I'm not an expert on this. But I am a Psychologist with lots of experience working with children, parents, and families. Let's just start by agreeing on some facts together, ok? First, for context. This is not a normal time of your life as a parent. We are dealing with a global pandemic, and I want us to just take a step back, have a breath (really, please have a breath while you are reading this), and recognize that we are all stressed. In fact, we are more than stressed: we are in a state of flux between overwhelm and barely hanging on. Second. Parents today are pioneers. We didn't have smart phones, tablet, or computers at all, really, when we were growing up. Parents, you are the first generation to be trying to figure this out. Third, all of this technology, including facebook and google and instagram and twitter, means that there is way more information available out there, which can be good or bad. There are also way more opinions out there, which is usually bad. Parent guilt is a truly crippling mind trick. Because, of course, you would do ANYTHING for the well-being of your kid. Fourth, all of these scare tactics are really bad for you and for your kid, because, when we are being honest, for most of us, saying "no screen time at all" is impractical. Many of the recommendations that are made seem more aspirational than actually possible. Ok, now that we are all on the same page, let's have a productive conversation about screen time. So, what does the research say? When researchers are being truly honest, they will tell you that they don't actually know. There have been a ton of studies out there that try to address issues such as screen time's effect on sleep, on eating, on ADHD diagnosis, on levels of activity, etc. etc. etc. These studies are always limited, though, because the way Psychology research is approved and conducted, it would likely be considered unethical to conduct a truly controlled study on childhood technology use. I won't get into all the details of that here. But understand that when you read an article on Facebook, it is often pop psychology that takes one possible finding and heightens, exaggerates, or generalizes that finding in a way that makes good (read: alarming) reading. I found this article really helpful in understanding screen time research further, and it is where I found many of the other links I will be referencing. On a practical level, we want to know what to DO about screen time. Here are a few places to start: Just start. Setting any limit is helpful. In this article, the researchers found that setting limits for screen time in general improved outcomes for kids, even though parents had very different rules for what limits they set. Not all screen time is equal: content matters. I think this is probably common sense, but it's easy to forget, because when say "screen time" it includes youtube, video games, iPad apps, Netflix, and all other technology. I think we would all agree that the value of Minecraft is quite different than Grand Theft Auto, and watching Daniel Tiger is quite different for your preschooler's development than watching Shopkins. That doesn't mean things that aren't educational are bad. Just keep these things in context as you weigh pros and cons and work to set limits. Screen time shouldn't be all the time. Have some times of the day, and even, if you're brave, a whole day of the week that is screen-free. Make sure screens are put away an hour before bedtime, at the supper table, and for a few other periods of the day. It's also a good practice to keep screens out of bedrooms. Make use of screen time when it will be most useful for you, like while you are working from home or needing a rest while the baby is down. When you can, engage in screen time with your kids. One of the things researchers agree on is that especially for younger children, its really helpful for parents to sit with them while they watch or play with technology. It helps them understand context, learn better what they are seeing, and have a relational connection. Use screen time for the good! Connect with grandparents, aunties, cousins, friends! Your child might be just the person to cheer up some loved ones. Plus, it will keep them positively occupied. Make sure your kids are safe. Check on your child regularly (in context with their age and personality) in order to make sure you're aware of what they are doing with their screen time. Have talks with even young children about internet safety, and consider using educational apps and apps built for kids, such as YouTube Kids instead of the regular YouTube. Ok, that was a lot of info. Take a breath. (Really, take a breath). I want to remind you, assure you, implore to you, that you are a good parent. You have read this far, which is a good indication of your commitment to your child, no matter their age. Hang in there, take good care of yourself, and work hard to remember that you are not crazy, you are not selfish, and you are not alone. For further reading, I find these highlights from the American Association of Pediatrics practical and helpful. And of course, reach out if you need further support for you or for your child. #yegfamilycounselling #parenting #quarantinedwithkids #isolationwithkids #covid19 #parentingsupport #parentinghacks #screentime #howto #familycounselling #parentingadvice #yegparents #yegparenting #edmontonparents #quarantinehacks #parentinghelp #screentimeissanitytime